Welcome to the Bush Song Newsletter. A source of information for people interested in Bush Poetry, Bush Music, competitions and events all done in the interest of preserving the heritage and culture of Australia.
In This Issue: August 2005
Editorial or
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Editorial or "Ric's Ramblings"
G'day and welcome to another edition of "The Bush Song".
Hope you have all had a great couple of months since our last edition.
Changes To The Site
In the last issue I did say that I would get around to rewriting the site so that it complied with the latest web standards and coding. I am pleased to say that this was finally completed on the 18th July and all the pages loaded to the server.
In addition to this I have also added some new pages to the site. First of all, as a result of a request, the words and music to "The New Chum Shearer" has been added. A page has also been added for a "Muso’s Register" and also a very special page for "Ladies Poetry"
The last page has been added because I have often heard around the traps that there is a lack of poems suitable for women to recite. So I am looking now to compile a list of suitable poems that ladies can use as a reference. I have set up a special topic on the Forum where people can post these, so get to it.
Site Visitors
Visitors to the site are still growing and are now in excess of 3,000 per month and looking at around 5 pages on average. This is great news for bush poetry and the poets on the site who are gaining exposure to a larger audience.
New Poets On Bush Verse.com
A further addition to the site, as indicated in the last newsletter, has been a bio and poems from Jack Drake. Jack is probably most famous for his poems "The Cattle Dog’s Revenge" and "The Cattle Dog’s Return". You can have a look at Jack’s pages at Jack Drake – Bush Poet
I have also received a selection of poems from that very funny man, Col Wilson who is sometimes known as "Blue the Shearer". Pages for Col will be up shortly, so keep an eye out for them.
Carol Reffold has also joined the site with a selection of her poems. As Carol is our Feature Poet this issue, you can access her pages by clicking on her image on any page at the site
Remember, this site is for the bush poetry and music community. If you want some space on here, then you are welcome. I need 5 pieces of work, a detailed bio and a photograph. Copyright on anything vests with the author at all times.
Bushverse.com Forum
Some new code has been added to the Forum recently to assist me in keeping up with the monitoring of posts. Now I get notified by email whenever a new post is added in any section. This proved to be particularly useful very recently when a member spammed the Forum. The member has been warned that such abuses will result in the termination of their membership.
Funnily enough, I now wonder if I need have bothered because two members sent me emails alerting me to the spam. Thank you for your vigilance!
If you aren't a member of the Forum then this Forum Link will take you there. In particular, have a look at the Lost Poetry & Music section. There are several unanswered queries in there that you might be able to help with. The Forum will open in a new browser page, so when you are finished, just close it to come back to the Newsletter.
Important Notice For Hotmail Subscribers
Recent investigations have shown that Hotmail will not be delivering your newsletter intact. Hotmail seems to strip all the images from the newsletter and add its own proprietory code. Then on top of that it destroys all the formatting so that the text is all centred.
If you have no option, but to use a free email account, then consider Yahoo as I have tested the email in their webmail facility and it appears to work fine. Alternately, click on the link at the top of this page to view the newsletter directly online
Thanks to all our subscribers and contributors for supporting the site and the newsletter. Talk to you all again soon.
TopLetters To The Editor
Got something to say about the site, the Forum or the Newsletter or anything else you think might be relevant? Then drop us a line and mention it's for inclusion in the Newsletter.
This month's Letter to the Editor is from Ellis Campbell, a well known bush poet. His letter was published in the Australian Bush Poets' Association Newsletter. Ellis has kindly provided me with permission to publish his letter on my site as it is a matter of serious concern. Not all bush poets and performers are members of the ABPA, so hopefully the publication of Ellis' letter here will increase the circulation and awareness of the issue.
Ellis Campbell Writes
Although writing is much more my line than performance, 1 love to attend poetry festivals and take part in performance poetry. Regardless of results it gives me great pleasure to catch up with wonderful friends 1 might only see once or twice per year.
There is, however, one aspect that concerns me and I am aware that this complaint has been aired before. I wish to add my voice to this ongoing wrong that festers like a seething canker. To perform another poet’s work without permission or acknowledgement is rather pathetic. To allow the audience to assume one has written that poem is despicable.
Poems like Murray Hartin's “Turbulence”, the late Bobby Miller's “The Will”, Carolyn Eldridge-Alfonzetti's “The Ballad of Rosie McGrear”, Bob Magor's “Who Gives The Bride Away”, Veronica Weal’s “The Breaker's Tale”, Jack Drake's “The Cattle Dog's Revenge”, Neil Carrol’s “A Letter To An Only Son”, Marco Gliori's “Granny And The Snake” are the kind that become a target.
These authors are talented enough to come up with something that captures the written or performance (as the case may be) judge's attention and finds immediate rapport with the audience. Poets of far less ability like to bask in the glory. Everyone wants to have a go at performing that particular poem.
It is wrong to take a popular poem and begin performing it without permission or acknowledging the true author. After this poet has performed the poem four or five times without acknowledging the author it is natural for the audiences to assume he/she has written that poem.
What an injustice! Terry Regan is a shining example of how it should be done. Terry always seeks permission before attempting another's poem, does a first class job of the performance, acknowledges the author at both beginning and end of the poem and shares the spoils with the author should he win money. He even goes beyond that by carrying the author's cards to give to interested persons, thus directing sales of the author's product. He is a perfect example of what Bush Poetry is all about.
Sometimes a third person can be affected by this unhealthy act of piracy. 1 recall one particular competition where Terry was organised to do a certain poem by a well known author and a pirate did a poor performance of the same poem before Terry's turn came. What happens then? People say, "I don't want to hear that bloody thing again," and take the opportunity to go for a drink or outside for a smoke.
1 spent seven years trying to locate Arthur Green to get his permission to perform “The Light Horse”. I know I could have performed that poem right through those years and the chances are Arthur might never have known, but I could not be comfortable with that. I did run this great writer to earth eventually, and renewed a friendship that had been waning for fifteen years. He was very happy to grant me permission to perform this lovely poem.
I do not have much reason to personally complain in regard to this matter, only twice having caught someone performing my work without permission.
On each occasion this was, one not a member of ABPA and probably doing it more through ignorance than intending any harm.
The first fellow really murdered the poem and freely admitted that he had no idea who wrote it! The second bloke did acknowledge my authorship and did a far better job than I do myself - but he did not seek my permission.
Poets that do my stuff quite regularly, like Jan Facey and Colin Carrington, for example, are wonderful. They always ring me to ask permission to do a certain poem at a particular venue. It is always my pleasure to grant them permission unless I am performing in the same competition myself or have granted previous permission to another poet to perform the poem at that competition, as has happened a couple of times.
Ric's Reply
First of all let me say quite clearly that I endorse the comments made by Ellis. Ethics, morality and the recognition of other people's work is very important in the performance arena.
However, I would like to present another side to this question for consideration by you all. Poetry, like music, is written to be shared. If it isn't shared, then it becomes lost in the obscurity of time and this neither serves the poet or the particular poems they have written.
I would like to draw an analogy here with the music industry. It is still a performance based area, and as such, I would consider the analogy a fair one.
Having been involved in the music industry for over 30 years, not necessarily consistently, I can assure you that in my early years, or even now to that extent, I don't ring Bob Dylan up when I want to perform "Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door, nor do I ring Cat Stevens when I want to perform "Father & Son". For a start, I doubt they would take my calls. Whilst it is fair to argue that these two songs are so well known, everyone knows who wrote them, the point is still that the authors are not accessible.
As a performer, I perform many works for which I do not have express permission, and this is pretty much the standard in the music business. In poetry, I always attempt to gain approval, but I do absolutely always acknowledge authorship on any piece I do perform, whether it be song or poem.
One thing that poets could consider is joining APRA, the Australian Performing Rights Association. I have raised this issue before and have even written to the ABPA about making representations to them about protecting poets' work. Nothing has come of this to my knowledge.
If poets were to join APRA, their work is still not protected. However, if they were to put their poetry to music, it is no longer poetry, it becomes a song and can therefore be registered with APRA. When you join and register your "songs" you assign the administration of the copyright to APRA. So if someone else records your "song", then you simply complain to APRA and they will deal with the entire issue. If however the person who has made the recording has registered their CD with APRA and paid the licencing fees, you will receive royalties on your work based on the number of CDs manufactured and the retail price. What could be simpler?
This brings me to another very good reason for registering poetry as song. If you were to put out a CD with 9 of your poems on it and then decided to perform, say, "I Am Australian" as a grand finale track, you will then pay royalties on your CD at the rate of 100%. This is because APRA do not recognise poetry on the CD. I know this personally from my CD where I had 11 tracks, 3 of which were poems. I recorded 2 songs that were copyright and paid my royalties based on two eighths of the calculation instead of two elevenths. This is despite the fact that the poems contribute to the retail value of the CD on which the calculations are based.
Venues where music is performed are also supposed to have a licence and submit returns to APRA. Performers are also supposed to submit annual performance returns. If you are a member, keep a record of your performances and submit your returns you will be paid a royalty at the end of the year. Where you have performed another authors works, they will also be paid a royalty on what you have done out of the licence fees paid by the venues. So everyone is happy. But, remember, your work must be a song, so it must be registered with musical backing or accompaniement
Some resources you might like to have a look at include The APRA Homepage and The Copyright Council Homepage
In particular, I would ask anyone reading this article one thing, particularly if they are an experienced poet.
Please do not embarrass a novice poet by "dressing them down" about this issue. It is hard enough to encourage people into our art form without driving them out through some over zealous, but well meaning person, creating a situation where a novice poet decides never to perform again. A quiet word, some gentle guidance and encouragement will see the right way win through. I would also add that this issue is not one that is restricted to novice poets. The first time I ever heard "The Chook From Snowy River" by Martin Pearson, it was performed by a well known professional entertainer who did not give credit to the author. I won't mention their name here for obvious reasons, but it is something I will never forget!
TopTraditional Featured Poet - A.B. "Banjo" Paterson
Before we begin, a word to you all about the spelling of this great poet’s name. It is spelt correctly here, with one "t", not two. You wouldn’t believe how often I have seen it around the place spelt incorrectly, so it is worth a mention!
PATERSON, ANDREW BARTON (1864-1941), poet, was born at Narrambla. near Molong, New South Wales, on 17 February 1864. He was the son of Andrew B. Paterson, grazier, and was related to Edmund Barton (q.v.).
Educated at Sydney Grammar School and the university of Sydney, he was admitted as a solicitor and practised until 1900 at Sydney. He began contributing verse to the Bulletin and in 1895 published The Man From Snowy River and Other Verses. It was an immediate popular success, was in its tenth thousand a year later, and 40 years afterwards the number of copies sold was over 100,000.
Paterson was a war correspondent during the South African war, in China after the Boxer rebellion, and at the Philippine Islands.
Another collection of his work, Rio Grande's Last Race and Other Verses, appeared in 1902, and this also has been frequently reprinted.
In 1904-6 he edited the Sydney Evening News and in 1907-8 the Sydney Town and Country Journal. Paterson also made a collection of popular Australian songs The Old Bush Songs: Composed and Sung in the Bushranging, Digging and Overlanding Days. This was published in 1905 and by 1924 had gone into its fourth edition.
In 1906 Paterson published a novel An Outback Marriage, which reached a fourth edition in 1924. He became a pastoralist near Yass for some years, but when the 1914-18 war broke out went to Europe as correspondent for the Sydney Morning Herald, was an ambulance driver in France, and in 1915 joined the remount service in Egypt, where he reached the rank of major.
In 1917 a further collection of his work was made and published under the title Saltbush Bill, J.P., and Other Verses. In the same year a collection of his short stories appeared under the title of Three Elephant Power and Other Stories. After his return from the war Paterson remained in journalism for the rest of his life. In 1921 appeared the Collected Verse of A. B. Paterson (9th edition, 1938), and in 1933 a book of verse for children, The Animals Noah Forgot. In 1934 Happy Dispatches, describing his meetings with well-known people appeared, and in 1936 The Shearer's Colt (fiction).
He died at Sydney on 5 February 1941. In 1903 he married Alice W Walker who survived him with a son and a daughter. He was made a C.B.E. in 1939. Paterson was an able journalist who met many notabilities in a long life and graphically drew them in his Happy Dispatches. His novels and short stories are readable, but he will be remembered only for his verse; The Man from Snowy River is his best volume and there is no better volume of Australian popular poetry. "The Man from Ironbark" and "An Idyll of Dandaloo" still keep their humour in spite of the years, and "Old Pardon, the Son of Reprieve" stands in the highest class as racing verse. The same quality is found in "The Man from Snowy River", a fine swinging ballad, and in a different way "The Travelling Post Office" and "Black Swans" are both excellent. Saltbush Bill, J.P., though otherwise a disappointing volume, contains one poem, "Waltzing Matilda", which bids fair to become an Australian folk song. Paterson's attempt to preserve the local songs of the pioneering days, published as Old Bush Songs, was also a valuable piece of work.
For a piece of the "Banjo’s" work, I thought I would choose a more obscure one rather than one of the very well known. Those of you familiar with his poem "The Pioneers" will no doubt notice the doubling up of lines in this poem!
TopThe Old Australian Ways
How interesting that the "Banjo" wrote this poem back in 1902. Obviously, the rules and regulations under which we live were already being put in place and impinging on the normal day to day life of Australians. The great man would no doubt turn in his grave if he could see the plethora of laws we have today.
The London lights are far abeam
Behind a bank of cloud
Along the shore the gas lights gleam
The gale is piping loud
And down the channel groping blind
We drive her through the haze
Towards the land we left behind
The good old land of never mind
And old Australian ways
The narrow ways of English folk
Are not for such as we
They bear the long accustomed yolk
Of staid conservancy
But all our roads are new and strange
And through our blood there runs
The vagabonding love of change
That drove us westward of the range
And westward of the suns
The city folk go to and fro
Behind the prison bars
They never hear the breezes blow
And never see the stars
They never hear in blossomed trees
The music low and sweet
Of wild birds making melodies
Nor catch the little laughing breeze
That whispers in the wheat
Our fathers came from roving stock
That could not fixed abide
And we have followed field and flock
Since e're we learned to ride
By miner's camp and shearing shed
In land of heat and drought
We followed where our fortune led
With fortune always up ahead
And always further out
The wind is in the barley grass
The wattles are in bloom
The breezes greet us as they pass
With honey sweet perfume
The parakeets go screaming by
With flash of golden wing
And from the swamp the wild ducks cry
Their long drawn note of revelry
Rejoicing at the Spring
So cast the weary pen aside
And let the papers rest
For we must saddle up and ride
Towards the blue hills breast
And we must travel far and fast
Across their rugged maze
Towards the Spring of youth at last
And bring back from the buried past
The old Australian ways
When Clancy took the drover's track
In years of long ago
He drifted to the outer back
Beyond the Overflow
By rolling plain and rocky shelf
With stockwhip in his hand
He came at last, the lucky elf
To the town of Come-and-help-yourself
In rough and ready land
And if it be that you would know
The tracks he used to ride
Then you must saddle up and go
Beyond the Queensland side
Beyond the reach of rule or law
To ride the long day through
In Nature's homestead filled with awe
Then you might see what Clancy saw
And know what Clancy knew
A B Paterson 1902
TopModern Featured Poet - Carol Reffold
Carol
is a Writer, Reciter, Patchwork Quilter and Researcher. Known
affectionately as "The Patchwork Poette", she is
passionate about Australian Bush Verse (rhyming, metered,
ballad-style poems both poignant and silly) and is a great
fan of her fellow poets and performers. Carol was born in
the small village of Chilworth, Surrey, England, UK. She
emigrated in 1960 and she began to write Bush Verse in 1994.
Whilst visiting the Bundaberg hinterland town of Dallarnil in 1995,during her visit to the annual rodeo, Carol was enchanted with the performance of an entertainer at the event who rode on a penny farthing bicycle during which a voice over the public address system recited A.B. Paterson’s Mulga Bill’s Bicycle in tandem with the performance. She described it as the most uniquely Australian thing that she had ever seen. Thus began her quest as a performer to share her love of Australia and its Bush Poetry with others.
Subsequently she joined the ‘Bundy Mob Bush Poetry Group’ and thus began her journey to become a Bush Poet. She soon began performing her original poetry and the traditional works of Australia’s great bards with regular performances at the many bush poetry events and festivals throughout the country including Monto, Charleville, Hungerford, Millmerran, Brisbane & Emerald in Queensland.
In Victoria she has performed at Maldon, Corryong and Melbourne’s CBD, including a recent showcase performance for Victoria University and Melbourne’s Fringe Festival. Performances in NSW culminated with her being awarded Overall Ladies Performance Champion in the NSW Bush Poetry Championships, 2001. She has also performed at several bush poetry events during Tamworth’s annual Country Music Festival. Carol offers a charming and often humorous presentation on stage where she shows to perfection her obvious love of the craft and dedication as a performer.
In South Australia Carol has performed at Angle Vale, Andamooka, Murray Bridge and the CBD - In August, 2005 she was awarded Champion Poet at the Stumpy Festival in Murray Bridge - a most prestigious competition where people were invited Australia wide.
Her ambition is to perform Australian Bush Poetry to international audiences - and she will!
Carol has a couple of publications for sale and she also writes poems for special occasions.
Carol can be contacted via her website The Patchwork Poette
TopCarol has submitted a number of pieces for inclusion in this newsletter, but I felt it best to include her "signature" piece, "Gran’s Quilt". Carol has recently had this poem put to music by John O'Dea from Orroroo in South Australia and it is expected to appear on his next album.
Gran’s Quilt
I sorted through my fabrics, I sewed with special thread
so you could have a home made quilt, to deck your marriage
bed.
And as I stitched each tiny block, these thoughts went through
my mind –
I prayed you’d have a happy life, secure, not unkind.
I prayed for you a real good man, and children in due course,
a happy home, nice in-laws too. (Some things you just can’t
force)
I cut each little scraplet out; I stitched each block with
care,
because, my darling grand-daughter, I know I won’t be there.
The colours of this quilt - my dear, I chose them just for
you –
there’s gold for your prosperity and happy skies of blue,
there’s bits of your mam’s bridesmaid silk, (that’s that
real dark green)
and there’s your sister’s wedding dress, (the palest orange
seen).
There’s yellows too, to speak of Spring, and cheer you when
you’re sad.
There’s lime green gingham standing out (the best that Forge’s
had).
There’s greens and golds, all blended through, to speak of
this great land,
but most of all, it’s stitched with love. I know you’ll understand.
It took a long, long time my dear, to stitch this quilt for
you.
A lot of work. You’re worth it dear. I think the world of
you.
One Saturday, in early June, in nineteen, ninety-eight,
I was driving along, and saw a sign, hanging on a gate.
"Garage Sale" it said in red. Well my car’s got to stop.
I wandered down the gravel drive – my favourite way to shop.
The sky was blue, the sun was out, but dark clouds threatened
rain,
Goods were displayed on bright blue tarps to race inside
again.
On one of the tarps was this patchwork quilt, stapled with
a sign
which read "$2". – What, two bucks? - That quilt
was quickly mine!
I asked the girl, "Who made the quilt?" and this
is what she said.
She said, "My granny made the quilt, and now my gran
is dead."
I told her it was an heirloom, ‘twas precious, old
and rare.
She said , "It doesn’t matter much and I really don’t
care!"
I took it home and washed it clean and pressed it with much
care,
the old quilt seemed to speak to me - Gran’s spirit
hiding there?
On one side of the quilt is a tiny stain – a sort of browny–red.
Perhaps Gran pricked her finger-tip – I wonder what she said?
That’s really immaterial, compared to what she’d
say
about that paltry price tag on my quilt that Saturday.
Grandma, a long, long, time ago, over many long years
Sat and stitched my quilt with love, in laughter and in tears.
Perhaps at wars, perhaps at deaths perhaps at times of birth,
Wandering through the tracks of time, rites of passage on
Earth.
I truly believe that Grandma willed that quilt from Above.
Two Dollars! How insulting! – What price do you put
on love?
Would you like to be a featured poet?
I am very keen to hear from other bush poets who would like to feature in the newsletter. It's a great way to become known to a wider audience than you maybe already and an opportunity to promote yourself, your work and your products. Simply email me a photo, a biography and one poem to appear in the newsletter.
Next issue's feature poet will be Jack Drake.
Events & Competitions
Rather than post all details of events and competitions in the newsletter, please go to the Events page on the site at www.johnstaufferbooks.com . You can also have a look at the Bush Verse Contacts page on the site for a listing of regular events in your area and what clubs you might like to join.
If you know of a particular event, please simply post it on the Forum at the Bush Verse website and I will transfer it to the Events pages. There is now a special section on the Forum for Events, Competitions and the like. This is not only to give notice of events, but also to post results if you have been involved.
TopYour Chance To Win
The "Bush Song" Poetry Competition
Win what - you may well ask, and the answer is simply fame and glory. This issue's theme is the ecology, conservation or climate. Get your poems written and post it on the Forum at the Bush Verse site. All poems submitted will be judged by an anonymous bush poet (and I can assure you it isn't me) and the winner announced in the next edition of the newsletter.
We have found an excellent judge for our little competitions. The name of the judge is A. Judi Cater. Our thanks must go to this anonymous person who is putting in the hard yards in pouring over the works to select winners. This wonderful person has even agreed to do critiques on the work submitted, which will be in a positive vein, to assist writers. If anyone wishes to contact A. Judi Cater, they can do so via ric@johnstaufferbooks.com and I will pass it on to the judge.
The winner of our June competition for writing a poem on Dogs or a Political Statement is Ross Magnay with his poem entitled "An Aussie Working Dog" Congratulations Ross. This success follows hot on the heels of Ross coming second in the Original Song Competition at the SA Stumpys for a song he wrote with Warren Williams. We could have an all round star of stage, screen and outback pubs in our midst here!! It was great to see the number of entries for this competition.
Here is Ross' winning poem:-
An Aussie Working Dog
An Aussie Working Dog
© Ross Magnay, 2.4.05
A country built from nothing, only sweat and soil and stock,
By horse and man with bar and chain and rope and pulley block.
Things are now so different as machines relieve the strain,
But I believe that working dogs always will remain.
Nearly all of them are faithful, but some are not so smart,
Still most will find a soft spot in some old stockman’s heart.
They are not just a worker they’re a friend, companion too,
There’s little you can ask a dog that he won’t try and do.
Maybe heeling station cattle or loudly yarding sheep,
It is great to see an Aussie dog working for his keep.
A shaggy looking mongrel or a classy thing with breed,
The proper good old working dog will labour for his feed.
Abuse that dogs will stand for will stop any man I’m sure,
A good old Aussie working dog keeps coming back for more.
The man that would replace him would be hard to find indeed,
For few today are happy, just to work and earn a feed.
A battered old Toyota, or a station motor bike,
Around the holding paddock, or a several mile hike,
Whether sprinting ‘round the outside, or follow at a jog,
It’s great to see the beauty, of an Aussie working dog.
And now for the official comments from our judge, A. Judi Cater who we thank very much for the time and trouble taken to peruse all the entries.
JUDGES COMMENT
NEWSLETTER COMPETITION – Submitted 31.7.05
OVERALL COMMENT Congratulations to this month’s winner, Ross Mangay for his poem ‘An Aussie Working Dog’. Keep ‘em coming, Ross!!
Wonderful to see a good roll up of entries for this competition. Thank you to everyone who contributed.
Overall, the standard of balladry of entries was very good and all expressed their required topic choice well. Something which pleased me immensely was the decrease in the number of entrants who used the "traditional" capital letter at the beginning of each line. The thought occurred to me that many poets who use computers to type their poetry, probably in Microsoft Word in varying versions, may have difficulty, as I did, controlling the use of the capital letter which the program inserts at the beginning of every incomplete line of text. You can tell the computer that YOU want to choose when and where YOU want to use the capitals by going to the Tools Menu, choose Auto Correct and take the tick out of the box which says ‘Capitalise first letter of sentence’. Hopefully, this might save other writers some of the frustration that I have experienced!!! Grrr!!!
Punctuation: Why do we use it? In short, to indicate natural pauses and emphases in conversational speech. Efficient use of this grammatic tool is just as essential in the writing of rhymed and metered verse as it is in other forms of literature. Over use, on the other hand, can cause unnatural interruptions to text. In this batch of entries several authors tended to use mid-line commas which intruded on the fluidity of their lines.
A. Judi Cater JUDGE
JUDGE’S COMMENTS WINNING POEM AN AUSSIE WORKING DOG by Ross
Mangay
Very fluid balladry, great meter and rhyme! Re the use of
so many mid-line commas. As an example take the last verse
and delete them in all four lines and I think the lines will
read much more fluidly. Also, to further improve the flow
in your lines, only use a capital letter at the beginning
of lines when they are grammatically required. Loved your
poem. Keep writing! Congratulations Ross!!
BELONGING TO THIS SPACE by Kathleen Morgan
This historical, yet topical subject has been well researched
by the author and she offers an apt conclusion to her
work which has been enhanced with descriptive language
throughout. To further improve her topic flow she has
wisely included several ‘enjambed’ lines, where a sentence
flows on to the following line without the interruption
of punctuation. There are however problems with the basic
discipline of meter throughout which must be addressed
to improve the flow of the topic. Also, most writers
show by example that they understand the basic concept
of rhyme but lapse, often for want of effort, to come
up with the exactly the same end sound of words. For
instance, V1, lines 1 & 2 end respectively in Cove and
unload and V 4, lines 1 and 2, land and hands. Often,
if rhyming words cannot be found to suit the topic, writers
may need to change the line around to meet both topic
and rhyming requirements. Keep writing. The more you
write, the more accomplished you become.
FROM A MARCHER by Val Wallace
The writer has displayed very good language skills throughout
this well concluded topical poem. Metrically, there are
however some problems which would be easier to control
if lines were shorter. To add further control of topic
flow, correct punctuation is also essential. Full stops
at the end of sentences and other punctuation should
be employed in this style of poetry, just as they are
in everyday writing. Commas midline are often used unnecessarily
and, as their use indicates a pause, this practice detracts
from the topic flow and metric balance. A very solid
effort which with a little polishing will be much improved.
A BUSH KID’S PLEA by the Merv Webster.
A very well written ballad and an apt social comment on this
major problem in bush communities!! Excellent expression,
good enjambment throughout and is well concluded. Very
good meter and rhyme. Re the commas used in verse 7.
I feel that several are unnecessary as follows. “The
town kids often came to gramps and listened as he told
those dreamtimes stories of the past but as they would
unfold you’d see a tear well in his eye for in the old
man’s heart he wondered what the future held, it tore
his soul apart.”
THE YOUNG DOG AND THE ROO by Merv Webster
A very well written and concluded effort. In the main, disciplines
are excellent but just one comment on the meter. V. 5,
Line 1 appears to be too long. Delusional is not the
correct word here - perhaps ‘deluded’ is more accurate
and its use will correct your metric problem. Verse 7,
lines 3& 4. The practice of using the same rhyming word
should be avoided.
“DADDY… WHAT IS A STATESMAN?” by Bernard de Silva
Loved the witty conclusion to this otherwise serious poem.
Not too many of us would remember the Holden Statesman!!
Well rhymed and punctuated but metrically needs a lot
of work so that the lines flow more smoothly. Reduction
in the use of unnecessary mid-line commas will further
improve the flow of your work. Patience and persistence
to improve will definitely reward your effort. OLE BLUE
by Grannyrosie, (Trisha Kerr) A very, very entertaining
ballad. Loved the extensive use of idiomatic language
and the phonetic spelling of words to convey the way
you want the reader to say them. This really added a
some brilliantly bright colour to your word pictures.
Very rare these days. Some general tips on punctuation,
but essential for this type of language. - only use a
capital letter at the beginning of lines when they are
grammatically required. - always use an apostrophe if
dropping the terminal letter of words - i.e. huntin’,
(hunting), or deleting the letter at the beginning of
the word, i.e. ‘e, meaning ‘he’. Overall, you managed
to use quite a few apostrophes but missed just as many.
It is more important than you realise, especially if
being judged in a ‘ridgy didge’ competition, so I would
strongly suggest workshop this aspect of your writing.
It is also important to maintain the same rhyming pattern
in every verse of your poem. V 9, lines 5-8 does not
adhere to the same pattern as used in other verses. Only
a little thing, but they count. Rhyme in the main was
accurate but a couple of errors as follows: V2, lines
6 & 8 use the same word to rhyme. This practice is to
be avoided. V.10, lines 6 & 8 - beasts and feast - by
adding the ‘s’ to beast the sound has changed and therefore
it doesn’t have the same end sound as beast. Last, but
by no means least, you rhythm, (meter), is not what it “cood” be
and should be standardised throughout your verses. Although
I have probably given you a lot to think about in terms
of improvements to your disciplines, I feel you show
real potential and, were it not for these comparatively
minor errors, you would have been a very serious contender
to win this month’s comp. Keep up a consistent effort
and let’s see more of this type of work from you.
MUCH MORE THAN A MATE by Glenny Palmer
A very lyrical and highly descriptive ballad with accurate
rhyme and punctuation throughout. Errors in rhythm throughout
should be easily corrected. An excellent read and a real
tribute to our working dogs.
CITY CANINES, DISMAL DOGS by Bernard de Silva
Some very descriptive language in this poem, e.g. ‘bulge
eyed bandito’, ‘Froggie poodle thing’. Accurate rhyme and
good conclusion. Possibly you could do without some mid-line
commas which will improve the flow of your lines somewhat.
Meter really needs to be standardised throughout verses.
UNSEEN THEY WALK AMONG US by Bernard de Silva
Clever use of the dual topic in last line of first verse.
Accurate rhyme and good punctuation with descriptive
language throughout. Minor metric problems warrant a
little work to standardise the meter in all verses. BLUE
DOG “STRAY” by Bernard de Silva This is a very good ballad
with very descriptive language, expressing warmth and
feeling throughout. Your lines are rather long and should
be about half their current length which, will hopefully
make it easier for you to establish a more accurate meter
in your lines. Unfortunately, this is an essential area
of discipline in Bush Verse.
We have now set up a separate section on the Forum for Bushsong Competition Entries. Please make sure you post your work there as it will make it a lot easier for our judge to access your work.
This issue's topic is the ecology, conservation or climate.
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